i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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