I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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