guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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