Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
