I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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