Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Welp...herpes.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
