Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
