i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
