Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
