you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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