You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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