GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
