brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
