woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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