She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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