Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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