He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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