I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your penis caused this!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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