i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
