final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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