Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
