We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
