i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
