I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
