I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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