I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
