Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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