Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize