i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
