there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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