and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
