Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
