Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
