Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
