I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
