PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
where does the pee come out of this thing
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
