Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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