Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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