even my farts smell like vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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