I puked a lego.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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