Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
