You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drake has all the answers
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
