Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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