I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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