I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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