therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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