She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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