a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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