remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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