I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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