I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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