I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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