im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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