i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
