She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
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So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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