How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
