omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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