So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Panties = found
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
