just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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