He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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