69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just pee around me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
