Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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