why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
