the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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