It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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