I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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