I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
