I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
